Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
