So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
