My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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