shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
