dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
