Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
