If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
