I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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