True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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