she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
