my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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