It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
