just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize