I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
