He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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