Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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