I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
