just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
