is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
