Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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