note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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