if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
