i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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