Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A+ Viking dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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