I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
