That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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