No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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