dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize