She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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