Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
