I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize