I can text with my tongue
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
