Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
