Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize