check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
