so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
