If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
