I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
