And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Couch. On fire.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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