sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
