took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
