His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
