kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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