I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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