the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
