brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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