My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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