she woke up with a sticky ear
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
