and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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