YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
