Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
