hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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