I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
did you just send me my own nude
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
