I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
