i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
