Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
