I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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