You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
