I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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