I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
