he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
