I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
