I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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