Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
