There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
