i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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