i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
