Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
