dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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