I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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