my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She bit a glass in half.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
