when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
