she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
