Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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