Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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