The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
