my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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