Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sext me about skeletons
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize