I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
