So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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