I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
