wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
