Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
