Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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