he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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