it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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