can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
