Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
