At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
