We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
