We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
