I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
