I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize