Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i think i just lost a toe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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