I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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