your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize