We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
