Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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