just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
