Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
