In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
