I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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