fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize