he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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