No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
