Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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