I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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