In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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