but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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