you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
