Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
